Happy Birthday C.

in the last remaining minutes of August 31, i will post some pictures from C's 5th birthday (which actually we celebrated on Saturday. Then today my mom tried to explain to her that today was REALLY her REAL birthday...but that didn't go so well...)

Miss C wanted a 'cowgirl birthday party' so Grandma bought her some special boots...

and of course a pony would be THE THING but in the city it isn't so easy (ya, that's my excuse)...so she had to 'settle' for a new bike -- purple & pink with a basket & a horn & tassels & a water bottle & a princess helmet & princess kneepads



and a cake with horses ALL around.



It is hard to believe that it has been 5 years, and that she will be going to kindergarten next week. Happy Birthday C!

a quick update

I tell you, i am very low on sleep these days. Not like first-year-with-twins-deprived, but still low. My problem is that i don't go to bed early, because the only time i have to myself is after C. and my mom go to bed, so i stay up....

Having my mom here in my HOUSE is very difficult for me. Much of the time i cannot even behave reasonably -- i lose my temper, i yell, C. pushes my buttons out of boredom & it's all over. I can't even count the number of times i have just wanted to WALK OUT THAT DOOR. But of course, i can't, because it is not safe for the little kids to be left alone with my mother in 'charge', and so i cannot have such temper tantrums. ARGH. Bad times.

ANYway.

But there is SOME hope here, since the renters did agree to leave so it should only be a few more weeks maximum until my mom can move to the 3rd floor. Not bad, really. I guess i can hack it for a few more weeks.

Actually, the only reason i couldn't is that emotionally i don't see a big difference between her sleeping on one floor or the other. I am having a hard time feeling that things can possibly ever be better here -- though this is evidently a logical fallacy. 'getting through period of transition'+'having own space'= huge difference in personal dynamics. So, who knows, maybe i just need more sleep. Or more hard alcohol.

a sunny update

We are all back together now in Detroit.

While my mom was in the mental ward, her house was actually sold! The buyers accepted the inspection reports & all is fine there. They also asked to move up the closing so we are closing next week!

So mom was let go on Tuesday, the movers came on Wednesday, we drove to Pittsburgh Wed. night & saw the gl.auc.oma specialist on Thursday, then came back here. This morning i am at the office, trying to catch up on 3-months of email & work. Well, not that bad but really i have done NOTHING all summer.

So, yeah. Seemingly against all odds -- in a week it worked out, the mess that dh & i have been juggling all summer.

And mom says "Why did i do that? If i had just held on a few more days, it would all have worked out..."

But of course this is nonsense, like most of what she says. Hello, people don't try to kill themselves because they have to sell their house & move. People try to kill themselves because they have long-standing, deep-seated issues as well as major trauma & pain in their lives. Which does not just GO AWAY when a few practical matters are ironed out.

Kathy asked what the care plan for her is. They have her on some strong meds, which seem to be helping quite well. We have set up therapy & a psychiatrist for her here. I will try to work it out so that i can get therapy too, and i am seriously considering going on antidepressants NOW, before the winter knocks me on my ass. I am dealing with all this fine right now -- very efficiently, no problem. But that is how i am -- good in a crisis & a mess afterward. Last winter was a disaster for me, i don't need another like that. And having her live with us now is going to be an absolutely constant stress factor.

Speaking of which --dh has made great progress with the garage...guest house i mean. I will have to put pics up in the next few days. The exterior is largely done (except for some paint). We will finish the interior into a living space for my mom. But that takes time...as of yet the time scale is not clear nor what we will do with her in the meantime. I want to kick out the tenants & move her to the 3rd floor but of course we have no legal right to do that, so we will just have to see if we can work something out.

bad times for kate

I have been offline for awhile. I took my mom home, came back to Detroit, came back to PA for her eye surgery. Then i stayed for a few days & came back home...only to talk to a detective two days later, who told me that my mom had been found unconscious by the side of the road. Apparently she had taken all the pills she had in the house.

Luckily, there weren't THAT many pills available due to the fact that when we tried to refill her scripts a few days before, there was some insurance snafu & we didn't want to pay out-of-pocket. So it wasn't enough to do real damage, but it was an honest-to-God suicide attempt. Which leaves me where? Still in shock, basically. Because though she was depressed & i was worried all summer, lately i thought she had been much better. So i guess i was wrong.

Anyway, she is still in the inpatient psychiatric ward & will be there for a few more days. When she gets out she is just going to come live with me in Detroit. She doesn't like it, she wants to stay here, but it really isn't an option for her to be alone anymore. And in any case, there is good news -- looks like this time we have really sold her house, and closing is in a month. So there is no reason she couldn't just come up now.

My facebook updates say she is the hospital due to a bad reaction to her meds, or something like that....nice whitewash, eh? But i had to write some bits of the real story somewhere. I may continue to write more about her here, and i might not. Not sure yet. I would much rather just blather on about my stupid garden.